Are you not tired of being told no in this life? Every time it seems you are asking for something the answer keeps ending up being no. Uh, hello God! We are over here trying to do exactly what you wanted and listen to your direction and the one time I ask for something & I get told no?! Are you kidding me? Tell me you haven’t felt that way before. It gets frustrating, doesn’t it? Tell me about it. We are over here trying to work on this whole walking in obedience to what He says about our calling, and He is telling us no.
I’ve been there and I honestly felt like I would never be out of the vicious cycle of believing and believing and believing and doing and doing and doing and then I ask and then I get told no. Then I break down and get mad because I thought I did everything I could? I thought I gave over control of my life. I thought I gave God everything that He wanted from me, and He couldn’t do this one simple thing for me. Truly, these were the words that I used every time I got told no about something. Can you tell that I’m not used to someone telling me no? I have always gotten exactly what I wanted. I’ve been a spoiled kid from the beginning so that hasn’t always been an easy word for me to hear.
I never intended on telling this story because it has always made me feel less than, but I did know that eventually someone was going to need to hear it regardless on my thoughts on it. I am a woman, so you are going to get some extra details in this story. In 2016 I found out that I was pregnant with my son, I was 21 at this time so needless to say that was not exactly the plan I had for my life. He was born two days before by birthday in 2017. Within the next four months so much would happen: I graduated from undergrad, I enrolled into grad school, I would move back to Fort Worth to stay with my parents and I would get married, all of that in the midst of just having a baby. Needless to say, I was incredibly overwhelmed. But the one thing we wanted when we moved back to Fort Worth was to buy a house. We wanted a place for just our family. We had just moved from a small town called San Angelo here in Texas where we had our own house. We were used to doing things independently, but we knew we had to move because things were going to change after we had our son, so we left. We picked up all of our stuff, picked out a storage unit and moved. We intended on being in our own place about a year or so after moving back but that isn’t exactly how things worked out.
As I am sitting here writing this it is January 2022. That means I’ve been living in my parents’ house as a 20-year-old for almost 4 years. Can I insert an eye roll? That was not the plan, y’all. I wanted out. My husband has had a very different life than I so living under someone else’s roof feeling like you have to follow their rules was not for him so we worked to make sure that we could get out as soon as possible. We put in that first application after my husband started his first law enforcement job and was told no almost instantly because of the debt that we had. Insert tears because I did cry. That’s what we wanted. That’s what I had been praying for over and over, but we had to wait. If I’m honest it was a blessing in disguise, the job my husband had at that time meant he was never going to be home, no days off. It had gotten to a point that our son started calling his grandpa dad because he hadn’t seen his dad in almost a year. But I digress, we waited another year. We paid off all our credit cards but one. It was pretty close to $10,000 in debt.
So, this next year my husband got a different position in law enforcement so we put in another loan application thinking this time is it. We paid down some debt, we were tithing, and we were truly starting to have a walk with God. Nope, just kidding. We aren’t getting a house this year either. Oh man, did this one hurt even more than the last no. I cried hard! What do you mean no? We paid off all this debt and still had too much debt. I understood the factors. Numbers are a very big passion of mine so I knew what we were being told was true, but I thought God could make the impossible, possible?! These were my honest questions when I was mad and talking to God. Boy, did God get an ear full from me. I was mad, hurt, and disappointed in myself. I did not want to be in my 20s still living at my parents’ house.
Let’s go forward another year, the hubs got another job in law enforcement that actually allowed him to be around his family. We paid off our most expensive bill which was our new car. Then I waited a little bit longer to put in a loan application since for this job my husband had to take multiple tests just to stay on, so we wanted to be sure that he was going to be there for a long haul. So, after a few months in I decided it was time to put in our loan application and guess what? We got told…no! Did you think it was going to be a yes? We did too. This one hurt too. Not going to lie and say it didn’t. I went to the bathroom and had a nice cry but when I came out of that bathroom, I was ready to fight. That was my problem the other two times. I cried, I gave up and I accepted the answer to be a no. But this time I refused to let no be the answer. I refused to let the devil to keep taking this dream away from us. I was going to make it happen one way or another. I knew what we could afford, and I know that we can make this happen.
This time I was going to cling to God’s word. I was going to remind myself that he promised us a house for our family. Just because I got a no from one person just meant they weren’t the right person to go with. So, I researched the crap out of different housing programs and even looked up some that were directly for first responders. Turns out my husband’s job also offered help when getting a house for people in the exact position he was in. So, I found a lender that talked me through the different programs, and we chose what would be best for our family. She gave us the courage we needed and let us know that we were ready for this next step regardless of how hard it may be for a little bit. We finally got told yes to starting the process of looking for a house and signing a contract with a realtor.
I may have done some of the footwork to get us there, but everything was all God. He said don’t give up. I was ready to fight for what I wanted. Sitting here typing this out is still unreal and parts of me want to cry tears of joy that we have even made it this far in the home buying process. We may not have found the house for us yet, but we know God has something amazing in store for us that once it is all said and done the only glory that can be given will be to Him. I seriously don’t know how we would have done it without Him and His guidance.
Thinking about all of this reminds me of a story in the bible. I bet you know it without even having to open a bible. You know that story where Abram and Sarai really want a son but have had issues with getting pregnant, which I know so many can relate to. God tells Abram in Genesis that he is going to be in charge of all kinds of nations. In my head, Abram is saying while that is great Lord, I just want a son. I want an heir and someone to continue my last name. It was a huge deal back then, so it was super important that they had one. So, God says, look at the stars, your descendants will be as many stars that are in the sky.
Within the next moments Abram would turn into Abraham and Sarai would turn into Sarah. The Lord speaks to Abraham about what needs to be done for the new covenant in order for Abraham to have all the descendants and nations promised to him. Abraham questions one time or he actually does like a little giggle, like “ok sure Sarah’s going to get pregnant at 99 and 100, sure.” I’m pretty sure that’s way past the age of having a baby but regardless of how Abraham felt and what he saw he still followed through with his side of the covenant. He did not question any longer. God makes the impossible, possible. Even good ol’ Abraham who we are literally all descendants of questioned for split second so don’t feel discouraged by questioning. But also remember that he still followed through. He was still obedient to what God told him to do. That’s faith right there. That’s believing without seeing.
This just shows us that sure we can have a moment of no way can you make that happen but still follow through with what we were told do. God can literally do anything. If you know the story, then you know that Abraham and Sarah really did have Isaac at such an old age. Abraham did have descendants as many as the stars in the sky and he really obtained all kinds of nations with kings and rulers in his line. It really happened. So, what if we stopped questioning or just questioned once but still go through with what we were told? Don’t you think God will follow through like He did with Abraham? You are just as important as Abraham. You are a child of God. The blessings and promises are there we just have to do are part.
Somethings to think about & journal if you are feeling spunky:
- How hard is it to wait?
- What would life look like when you have what you’ve been praying to God for?
- Are you going to finally put your faith forward and fight for what God has promised you?